ALL OR NOTHING
Oh boy has it been a while since I’ve written over here. To say I have neglected imogenrose.co.uk is an understatement. If I’m totally honest 2019 didn’t get off to the best start. Does any year start off great if you have massive expectations without the drive to do any of it? I have thought long and hard about what I’d write when returning to my blog. Every time I post on instagram, it comes to the caption and I’m stuck for words. How can I fake being happy when I really don’t feel like it? My mental health has been a long battle I’m sure a lot of you gorgeous people will already know that if you’ve been following me a while. I’m an all or nothing kind of gal. From one extreme to the other, I either go out every weekend, all weekend or I’m completing a stunt of sobriety – there’s no in between. Unfortunately, it’s not really a healthy way of living but I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking like that? I can be on a massive health kick, go to the gym 5 times a week be on it with my YouTube channel and websites or I can be stuck in a black hole. A black hole which is very hard to see out of.
LET’S BE REAL
Firstly, I want to apologise if this post comes across like it’s a bit of a mess. I haven’t written anything in such a long time I think I may have forgotten how to spell my own name. I think the issue is I’m still trying to balance how I work from home. Working from home is incredible. I feel SO lucky to be able to work from home. But don’t be mistaken in thinking it’s easy. Having no boss has it’s pros and cons. No one breathing down your neck to work on your deadlines means you have to be the one who is making you feel that way. You almost have to be a bossy boots to yourself lol. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. At the moment I’m sat in Chapter One in Manchester, one of my all time favourite cafes to work from. Not only does it have vegan cake but it’s open until 12am and doesn’t serve alcohol. Some of you maybe thinking ‘wow, how boring’…but in all honesty when you need somewhere to work from late at night the last thing you need is groups of people chugging beer singing in your face. It just doesn’t work. Makes you want to sack off the work and join them!
Some people I know wouldn’t even know I was shy, but the reason I’m such an awkward person in real life is because I feel like I have to think about everything I say. It doesn’t come natural. As soon as my brain realises there’s another person hanging on to every word that’s coming out of my mouth it’s like my body goes into flight mode. I become sweaty and my face starts burning, my mind becomes a blank piece of paper. Even ordering coffee from a coffee shop is like some kind of internal battle. God help if I get my order wrong because you bet you I’m not going to tell the waiter I actually don’t want that order anymore. I’d rather deny my self of something rather than make a scene. Some would say it’s the result of being an introvert, some would say it’s social anxiety. I however, think it’s a mixture of both for me personally. I’m the kind of person who goes through the month feeling extremely confident and ballsy for a couple of days, the next I’m like a crab in it’s shell. I may make plans one day feeling like I can conquer the world and when it comes to it I can’t face following through with those plans. An internal battle with my own mind that no one has access too. If I communicated my feelings I’m sure most people would tell me how irrational my thoughts are. And I couldn’t agree more. Thoughts are exactly that, thoughts. Thoughts are ideas of reality rushing around that little head of yours which have no real relevance to reality.
CAN YOU RELATE?
Let’s be real here, I’m not the only introvert on the planet and I’m sure you can relate to what I’m writing here even if it’s someone you know of that maybe an introvert which struggles with social situations. You know what they say. Practice makes perfect. Practice pushing yourself out of your comfort zones a little at a time. And if you don’t find yourself pushing don’t be too hard on yourself (I know it’s easier said than done, I’m the queen of beating myself up). Liam and I had a chat today about rejection. A lot of us fear rejection so much it interferes with real life. Have you heard of the rejection challenge? It’s where you challenge yourself to do something you know you will get rejected for. It could be asking for a discount in a shop, asking for something that you know is not available etc etc. I mean those are very small scale maybe as time goes on the challenge becomes something more extreme and less tame lol. Something we’re going to try anyway.
Thanks for stopping by xx